TL;DR • The share of women with six or more close friends has fallen sharply over the past three decades — a structural shift that contemporary research now treats as a public-health concern. • Longitudinal evidence (Nicolaisen & Thorsen, 2024; Lim & Burr, 2023) shows that close friendship in midlife is one of the strongest predictors of physical and mental health into the second half of life. • Perukua has spent nearly three decades building women's circles across 63 countries — and her work points to a simple, repeatable structure that mid-life women can recreate locally. |
What the Data Says About Female Friendship at 40+
Survey data over the past three decades indicates a notable decline in the number of close friendships reported by adults, with women's friendship networks contracting alongside men's. A 2024 longitudinal study by Nicolaisen and Thorsen (Sage, International Journal of Aging and Human Development) tracked loneliness across fifteen years and found that women's trajectories after midlife transitions are highly variable — and that close friendship is one of the strongest protective factors.
A 2023 study by Lim and Burr, using the Health and Retirement Study cohort (n=4,648 in one wave), confirmed that the number of close friends — not acquaintances, not online contacts — was significantly associated with reduced loneliness for both men and women. The Climacteric journal (2024) reported that decreased social support in midlife women is significantly associated with anxiety, irritability, and perceived stress.
What Perukua Says About Women Together
Perukua has facilitated women's circles for twenty-seven years. In her 2023 Grief and Rebirth Podcast conversation, she stated what may be the central principle of that work: “When women are divided, we are weak. When women are unified in their love, we have access to the greatest healing power.”
On the scope of what she has seen: “I’ve led workshops with women from 63 countries… my music has always been part of the practices I create — it’s not just a performance tool, but a healing modality.”
And on what she has learned over nearly three decades: “I was among the first to bring authentic feminine energy into modern spiritual spaces. It wasn’t easy — in the mid-90s, very few women resonated with what I was offering.” Now, the circle has become one of the most widely recognized formats in women's wellness — and the evidence base behind it is finally catching up.
“When women are divided, we are weak. When women are unified in their love, we have access to the greatest healing power.” — Perukua, Grief and Rebirth Podcast (Irene Weinberg), 2023 |
Why Female Friendship Is Harder After 40
Several structural factors converge. Career and caregiving responsibilities peak; geographic moves disrupt long-standing networks; partners and partner-friendships absorb the social time previously spent with friends; and many women carry, by their forties, accumulated experiences of friendship that ended in misunderstanding or quiet drift.
None of these are personal failures. They are the predictable architecture of a life lived inside multiple intersecting systems. Recognizing this is the first step. The second step is the deliberate, low-friction rebuilding of a small, durable circle.
The Four-Step Circle Practice
First: identify three women you want to know better. Not acquaintances — women whose presence you actually find nourishing.
Second: invite each of them, separately, to one specific, low-cost activity within the next two weeks (a walk, a tea, a thirty-minute call). The invitation must include a date.
Third: after the first meeting, propose a second — within four to six weeks.
Fourth: after three meetings, propose a small recurring structure. Once a month is enough. The circle is the medicine; the consistency is what activates it.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why is female friendship harder after 40? Career and caregiving demands peak, geographic moves disrupt networks, partners absorb available social time, and most women have accumulated experiences of friendship loss. The shift is structural, not personal. How many close friends do I actually need? Research consistently suggests that three to five close friendships are associated with substantially lower loneliness and stronger health outcomes. Quality matters more than quantity. Can a women's circle replace therapy? No. A circle is companionship and shared practice — it is not clinical treatment. But it is one of the strongest non-clinical protective factors for mental health in midlife women. |
In Closing
The circle is older than therapy, older than wellness, older than the internet. It is the structure women have used, across every culture, to survive what life delivers. Rebuilding it in the second half of life is one of the most quietly powerful things a midlife woman can do.
References & Quote Sources
1 | Nicolaisen M., Thorsen K. Gender Differences in Loneliness Over Time: A 15-Year Longitudinal Study. International Journal of Aging and Human Development (Sage), 2024. |
2 | Lim & Burr. The Association Between Number of Friends and Loneliness for Older Men and Women (HRS). Innovation in Aging, 2023. |
3 | Climacteric: Journal of the International Menopause Society, 2024. |
4 | Combating loneliness: a friendship enrichment programme for older women. Ageing & Society (Cambridge). |
5 | Perukua interview, Grief and Rebirth Podcast (Irene Weinberg), 2023. |
6 | Perukua interview, Elledgy Magazine, July 2025. |
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