The state a woman lives in when she has no felt sense of love for herself is one Peruquois calls hunger. From the outside it is nearly invisible: such a woman can be successful, well put together and attentive to everyone close to her. The signs that identify this state were listed by Peruquois, a top World Music performer in Australia, musician, composer, author and facilitator of self-development trainings for women.
No feeling of love in the body
“First of all, there is no feeling of love for herself in the body. They think about themselves negatively, self-critically, all the time,” says Peruquois.
The key word here is physical. A woman can know good things about herself, list her accomplishments and accept a compliment, and still feel nothing in her chest or belly that would confirm any of it.
A permanent list of corrections
“They think all the time that something is wrong with them, that they need to go on a diet, that they should exercise more, go to the gym, that they absolutely must go and buy themselves something, go shopping,” says Peruquois.
The list refreshes itself. One item closes, the next takes its place, and the sense of not being enough stays exactly where it was. A woman reads this as having high standards and credits herself for it.
All the love goes to the children
“All of their love goes to their children, never to themselves,” says Peruquois.
The arrangement looks noble and holds for years. The child gets care, attention and patience, the woman gets whatever is left, which is usually nothing. Meanwhile the child reads his mother's state and takes that on, and the words about love have little to do with it.
Neediness around a man
Toward her man such a woman feels needy. It seems to her that he is not present and does not give her what she needs.
The thinking does not stop. The heart sits in the chest like a small knot, like tension with a lock on it, and she tries to release it through tears and emotion. Sometimes even that does not come.
A controlling voice
“And she speaks in this particular voice, controlling, as if she is trying to control everything. She understands that this is not her, but she cannot do it any other way,” says Peruquois.
This is one of the most visible signs from the outside. The voice goes flat and managerial, the softness drains out of it, and the person across from her hears an instruction where a request was intended. She hears it herself and finds no other way to speak.
The permanent this is wrong
“She always says what is wrong,” says Peruquois. She talks about how it should have been, leaving aside how it actually is.
It does not matter who the conversation is with: her man, her team, her children. Everything is off all the time, because deep dissatisfaction lives underneath.
“Because she has not found that flow of love and acceptance inside herself,” says Peruquois. And then nothing in her life carries meaning.
The feeling of someone else's life
“As if she landed in the wrong body, the wrong life, the wrong country, the wrong people,” says Peruquois.
She compares it to a game of solitaire laid out on a table: the woman looks at the cards of her own life from the outside instead of living it. The carousel turns and she watches from somewhere far off, and so she tries to manage all of it.
Looking for beauty outside
Hence the sharpened focus on appearance. A woman concentrates on how she looks and on what else must be done to the body so that it finally earns love.
“She is always looking for where this beauty is on the outside,” says Peruquois. She tries different ways of granting herself the right to be loved and reaches for whatever promises a fast result.
The result arrives and the sense of fullness does not. “And she feels incomplete, empty, all the time,” says Peruquois.
Cold or constant demand
From there the state goes one of two ways.
The first is cold. A woman becomes slightly distant and cool toward the world, and she can be very beautiful while she does it.
The second is excessive presence. She needs something constantly and constantly demands confirmation that what she does counts and that she has earned the right to live and be loved.
“She has no access to her feminine resource, so she keeps substituting something else for it,” says Peruquois.
Where the source actually is
The common denominator under all of these signs is one. A woman looks outside for what is located inside, and so she never gets full.
Peruquois names two fundamental sources available to everyone. The first is connection with your own body and your own feelings, which is how a woman comes to know life. The second is time in nature: if you do not put your feet on the living field of the Earth, you lose your grip on what is real and what is tangible.
She adds that she means a live connection with the Earth, something you can learn to switch on, and that simply being outdoors does not deliver it. In a loop of apartment, office, office, apartment a woman is starving, and her hormonal system registers it first.
All of her practices grew out of her own day: “This is what I do every day, and have done for the last 30 years,” says Peruquois.
The signs above are easy to recognize in yourself, and that is their use. A woman who sees her own situation on this list stops hunting for an external cause and gets to work on the real one.
If you want the sense of your own beauty to come back from the inside, take the Peruquois course You Are Beautiful, available on her website under Courses.
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